


you look at me it's like you hit me with lightning

by punknouis



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: 4+1 fic, Almost Kiss, Azula (Avatar) Redemption, F/F, Femslash February, Food, I tag this because why do I talk about food so much ? because it is important dammit, Lesbian Azula (Avatar), Lesbian Toph Beifong, Mutual Pining, POV Alternating, Pining, Post-Canon, god those are real tags? this website is incredible, it's about the gays, kind of lmao i don't really get into it because this isn't about that!!!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:14:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29109879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punknouis/pseuds/punknouis
Summary: 4 times Toph and Azula almost kissed, and 1 time they did.
Relationships: Azula/Toph Beifong
Comments: 25
Kudos: 53
Collections: Winter ATLA Femslash Week 2021





	1. I. and II.

**Author's Note:**

> SO this thing has been...a monster. One that I was happy to take on, but damn! Is this my favorite work I've done? No. Am I posting anyway to feel a sense of accomplishment in finishing something? Yes. Unbeta'd as always so i apologize for any mistakes. I'll fix them as I see them LOL
> 
> This rarepair is one that I hadn't thought of before until I saw some incredible art, and then I couldn't get rid of the thought of them! So...in the notes at the end of each chapter I'll link the art that inspired some of the scenes in this fic.
> 
> It started out being a 5+1 but due to wanting this to be done on time for femslash week, I ended up cutting a scene. I decided to do chapters so I could finish the editing of the ending so it is exactly how I want it. But for now, here's the first bit! I hope you enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for food!

**I.**

It wasn’t her first time at a formal outing in the Fire Nation since being reintroduced as Princess, but it was her first time seeing the Avatar’s friends in one place since the war.

Gathered in the dining hall of the palace to celebrate another peace treaty made with another colony, these things were even more dreadful than she remembered. She’s been seated at Zuko’s right side. To her right, though, is the earthbender who had tagged along with the Avatar all those years ago.

The clouded green eyes and the mass of dark hair piled on top of her head are familiar. The girl hasn’t changed much in the years since the war. She’s grown, but is still a bit shorter than Azula. Her face has lost some of the roundness, some of the softness of her youth, making her chin look sharper. Azula has been staring, and she knows this, but she is still startled when the girl speaks. 

“You were lucky for a little while there, Princess.” She’s not even looking in Azula’s direction, still facing the dining hall. “You got to skip out on all these boring dinner parties for so long.”

Azula opens and closes her mouth, in shock at the bluntness of her words. She crosses her arms across her chest. “Well it wasn’t exactly by choice.”

The earthbender chuckles and looks thoughtful for a moment. She taps her fingers on the table and Azula can’t help but glance at the girl’s hand, at the veins that crisscross across the back of them.

“I’m Toph. Beifong. I don’t think we’ve ever been formally introduced.” She’s turned towards Azula now. Azula vaguely remembers hearing Zuko speak of her during some of his visits.

Toph doesn’t reach out a hand or bow to her, just angles her body and crosses an ankle over her knee. Azula squints at the bare feet poking out under the fabric of her loose pants, which sparks a distant memory of her not being fond of footwear during their past interactions either. 

Azula nods and then remembers it won’t be seen. She clears her throat, “Azula.”

Toph snorts, “Trust me, I know. Remember? You tried to kill my friends and I a bunch of times.”

Her tone is obviously exaggerated and maybe even playful, but Azula goes rigid. Of course a member of the Earth Kingdom, let alone a friend of the Avatar, would not so easily forget all of her transgressions.

Azula begins to mentally curse her brother for putting her in this position. Why couldn’t he have sat her next to Mai? Even next to the Avatar would be better than this. He has even gone out of his way to let Azula know that he is proud of her progress and is doing his own work to move towards forgiveness and maybe even one day, friendship. The thought is terrifying.

As if reading her mind, the earthbender speaks up. “Hey relax, I was just messing around.” She leans closer and places one of those strong hands on Azula’s forearm. The skin beneath her sleeve tingles at the weight of it. “If Zuko trusts you, hell if _Aang_ trusts you after everything that has happened, then I do too. It’s in the past.”

Azula meets Toph’s gaze. “Just like that?”

Her voice is harder than intended, but she can’t help the suspicion creeping in. She has put in so much time and effort into becoming a better person, different than who her father had shaped her to be. But she is not naïve enough to think that everyone would welcome her with open arms, especially the people she had harmed directly.

Toph shrugs and pulls her hand back. “I figure that you’ve been punished enough. Having a piece of shit dad, being locked up in the crazy house, exiled by your own nation....” The corners of her lip curl up as she lets her words trail off.

“Thank you for the reminder,” Azula counters sarcastically. She rolls her eyes, but she admires the girl’s gumption. Not many would bring up Azula’s trauma, especially not as casually as Toph does now, without expecting a Fire Fist to the face.

“Besides I think I could take you one-on-one now,” Toph muses. “Especially now that I can metalbend almost as well as I can earthbend.”

Azula ignores the challenge (that’s called growth), but both her eyebrows shoot up. “Metalbending?”

She doesn’t bother to hide the awe in her voice. She had heard whispers amongst the wardens while she was away about the new bending practice that was emerging in the Earth Kingdom, but she had no idea if there was any merit to what they were saying.

Toph grins so wide her cheeks look like they might crack. “I invented it,” she replies matter of factly.

Azula ignores the way her chest pounds at the sight of that grin.

The rest of the dinner is tolerable. Toph splits her time pestering Zuko with questions about the stuffy guests that sit at the adjacent tables, which makes Azula laugh to herself, and staring off into the distance.

Azula welcomes the silence. It assures that Azula won’t make a fool of herself. She’s still working on how to navigate conversations in a friendly manner. She hadn’t had too much practice growing up, even with Mai and Ty Lee.

The silence also gives her time to steal glances at the woman next to her without interruption. She takes in her sharp chin and the smooth, porcelain skin of her throat. The girl is so pale she’s almost translucent. Delicate skin covering so much raw power and muscle.

When Toph does strike a conversation with her again, it’s when the food has finally been brought out. Several red platters and bowls have been placed on the table in front of them.

“Since I obviously couldn’t read the menu,” Toph waves a hand in front of her face for emphasis, “Do you mind telling me what this is? I like to know before just putting stuff in my mouth.”

Azula smiles. “There’s some som tum, white rice, and chicken.”

Toph hums. Her nose turns up slightly, and she sniffs the air. “It smells good.”

Azula pulls a plate of the colorful salad to herself and takes a bite.

“Actually,” Azula turns to look over her shoulder and waves a hand in the air as she swallows. A young servant walks quickly over to her and bows.

“Yes, Princess Azula?”

“This is woefully under seasoned, do you have any more spices I can add to this?” Azula puts on the sweetest smile she can muster. She really has been trying to be less demanding with the staff.

She looks over and sees Toph raise one dark brow.

“Yes Princess,” the servant bows again before departing.

“You’re adding _more_ spice? To papaya salad?” Toph questions.

Azula shrugs, “I like a little heat.”

The servant comes over with a tray of small bowls, each containing a different spice. Azula selects the one she wants and sprinkles it over her plate.

“Let me try some,” Toph says as she leans in over towards Azula, dropping her mouth open expectantly. Azula stares at the girl’s lips, bewildered not just by the shape but the casual intimacy she displays towards someone who is essentially a stranger. A stranger who tried has tried to kill her multiple times.

Azula’s hand feels like it’s moving through sand as she raises her chopsticks to Toph’s mouth, sharing some of the food from her plate. She’s grateful that Toph cannot see the expression on her face, certain the girl would tease her for it.

But her expression quickly changes as she watches Toph chew and swallow the bite. She can see a flush tinting her cheeks and the way she scrunches her nose at the taste.

“Well?” Azula asks, unable to contain her smirk.

Toph’s jaw is set tight. Azula can tell she is trying her best to not react.

Tears from the heat of the spice prickle at the corner of Toph’s eyes, but she makes no effort to wipe them away. Instead she narrows her eyes and uses her own utensils to take another large bite of the food. She leans in towards Azula and chews with defiance.

For what feels like the millionth time tonight, Azula is impressed.

She leans in closer to the metalbender’s face. So close she can see a faint scar or two on the girl’s cheek that had not noticed before. It adds character to her doll like features, Azula thinks.

It should be gross the way Toph says, “Yep, needs more spice,” through a mouthful of food.

It is gross, Azula acknowledges. But it doesn’t stop her from looking at the girl’s lips again, now tinted from the sauce of the food. They’re so close to Azula’s own.

It would only take a quick surge forward to just press them together.

Azula pulls back abruptly, jostling her chair with the movement.

She hums to herself, pushing the intruding thought to the side. “Guess we’ll have to try something else then won’t we?”

**II.**

Toph honestly wasn’t sure that the princess would ever show up. She had been serious about her offer to come visit the metalbending academy, so she wrote to Azula only a week after the dinner party they both attended to invite her.

The response was brief and vague, but she did say that she would try to be in Omashu around this time of the month.

And the letter smelled like her perfume, which Toph couldn’t stop thinking about since she got a whiff of it during dinner. She kept it on top of her desk, looking at it daily. The smell had faded by now, but it still lingered in Toph's mind. She tries not to get her hopes up.

So when Toph is interrupted during a lesson with news that there is someone here to see her, the surprise on her face makes her students start to whisper excitedly to each other.

“Oh hush,” she barks at them, their reaction bringing her back to the present. “We’re done for today, but you should all spend your afternoons practicing with each other.” She spins on her heel and leaves them, heading straight to her office.

Toph can feel the steady pulse of Azula’s heartbeat from down the hall.

“Princess, is that you?” Toph asks when she opens the door.

She hears the scrape of a chair. The warm scent of Azula floods Toph’s nose, clearing her brain, as she steps closer.

“It’s good to see you again Beifong.” Toph can hear the smile in her voice and can’t help but return one.

They decide to shop around for lunch, walking down the streets of Omashu and weaving their way through the crowds of people. Toph has lived here long enough to know which stands have the freshest fruits and vegetables, and which ones have the best prices (even if the produce is a couple days past being ripe).

She knows which vendors you can haggle, and which ones to avoid unless you’re ready to get into a screaming match. She has a feeling Azula wouldn’t be so put off by that, but it’s probably best they don’t draw too much attention to themselves considering her status.

She can feel Azula’s footsteps lagging behind her, no doubt overwhelmed by the crowd but also trying to take in the sights of the city. It’s probably been, what, almost ten years since she’s been here? And that was under very different circumstances. The city has rebuilt itself following being captured by the Fire Nation, King Bumi still ruling (somehow) with a strong albeit wrinkled fist. Toph stops and stretches her hand out behind her expectantly.

“Keep up, Princess.”

After a moment, slender fingers slide over her palm and intertwine with her own fingers. Toph takes a steadying breath of her own before she continues charging on. She prays to every Avatar that might be listening to not let her palms get sweaty.

They stop at a stand selling meat on a stick, savory with a sweet glaze over it, and nibble while they walk.

“What do you think?” Toph asks with a nudge of her elbow after she hears Azula swallow her third bite.

“It’s...not the worst I’ve ever had.” Azula responds dismissively.

Toph chuckles, “By the sound of your chewing, I’d say you’re enjoying it quite a bit.”

“I’m not being that loud!”

“It’s pretty loud. You’d think for royalty, you’d have better manners than that.”

The princess scoffs beside her as Toph takes another large bite of her own.

“You’re one to talk. Raised by nobles and if not for your last name, no one would ever know it.”

“That’s all by choice. I _choose_ not to act like a snob. I know better, I just don’t choose better.”

“Do you always talk with your mouth full?” Azula snaps back.

But there’s no real malice in her tone. In fact, she almost sounds fond. Like Katara does when she teases Aang for being so forgetful, or how Suki “reprimands” Sokka for staying out too late with Toph when she comes to visit Kyoshi Island.

“Just for you, Princess.” Toph quips.

They keep walking until the smell of cinnamon itches the inside of Toph’s nose, and she turns to her left to approach the stand she visits most often.

“Hey Lanh, what do you got for me today?”

A deep, gentle voice greets her, as it does almost every day. “Hello to you too Ms. Beifong. How’s my favorite customer? Want me to bag up some cinnamon and tea leaves for you?”

Toph shakes her head, “Not today, we're just looking for some lunch. What kind of fruit do you have?”

“Some apples, some pitaya, some grapes...” he trails off. Toph runs a finger along the wood of the stand, feeling the grainy texture beneath the pads of her fingers.

Her other hand is still holding onto Azula's, gripping tightly. She knows she should drop it by now, but she doesn't want to let go first. It feels like a test.

“Some grapes and two apples please.” Toph turns to where Azula is standing next to her, being unusually quiet. “See anything you like?”

Azula coughs, taking several moments before she answers.

“What about some of those?” she asks.

“Ah, yes, we did get just some fresh mango!”

Toph hears the squelching sound of a knife cutting through fruit several times, Lanh preparing the mango for them with consideration.

“For Ms. Beifong’s beautiful friend, it’s on the house.”

“Oh no really, I couldn’t --” Azula begins to protest. Toph is surprised by how flustered she sounds, shy almost.

“Please,” Lanh interrupts. “Take it. Any friend of Ms. Beifong is a friend of mine.”

Azula lets go of Toph's hand to reach for the fruit, and there's only the slightest pang of disappointment in Toph's chest. She digs into her pocket and hands over a few heavy coins to the vendor. “Thanks Lanh. You’re too good to me.”

They say their goodbyes and continue on their way, Toph placing the fruit in her bag for later. They find an alleyway to stop and relax in, and Toph pulls out a couple of grapes and pops them in her mouth.

Leaning her weight onto the stone wall makes Toph feel grounded once again. She can feel Azula’s presence, her body still and tense beside her. She hasn’t taken a bite of her mango yet. Toph can almost hear the gears in her brain turning.

"You okay?" she asks as she swallows the last bite of grape.

Azula gives a distracted hum. There's another beat of silence before she continues. "Omashu is...charming."

The somber reflection in her tone is not lost on Toph. No doubt Azula is wrestling with some complicated feelings about being back here. Toph agrees silently, choosing to not push the subject.

After a few more moments of quiet, Toph reaches out towards Azula with a grabbing hand. “Come on, give it here. I want some of that mango.”

Azula jerks her hand away and holds the fruit just out of Toph’s reach, shocked. “He gave it to me, not you!”

“But you wouldn’t have got it if it wasn’t for me and my connections,” Toph reminds her, “And you haven’t even had any yet.”

She takes a step closer to Azula, expecting her to step backwards. But she doesn’t.

And through the ground, Toph feels a change in the vibrations. There’s a spike in Azula’s heart rate.

Despite the way Azula protests once again to handing over the fruit, Toph smirks. 

She takes another step into the firebender’s space, and there’s another spike.

 _Interesting_ , Toph notes. If her heart was beating faster because she was uncomfortable, she would have moved back.

Or, if this was several years ago and Azula was who she once was, she would have shot fire at Toph by now for being so bold.

Toph tilts her chin up towards Azula. She had wondered if she had been imagining the tension between them.

It wouldn't be the first time Toph had an unrequited crush. But now something radiates between them, almost as palpable as the vibrations she feels through the ground.

Azula’s body heat feels better than the afternoon sun, and as she shifts in closer it makes Toph’s own face feel flushed.

And then there’s another shift, and there’s too much space between them again. Too much for Toph’s liking. She hears the muffled sound of biting into something juicy.

“Now you can’t have it because I’ve taken a bite out of it. I win.” But her voice doesn’t carry the same confidence as her words. It waivers at the end, uncharacteristically.

Toph snatches the mango out of her hands quickly and takes an even larger bite out of it, letting the sweet juice trickle out of the corner of her mouth. Her hands are already sticky from it.

“You should know that has never stopped me before, and it won’t stop me now.” Toph smiles once more, “You’re not the only one who likes to win.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay [here is the fan comic](https://seismicsight.tumblr.com/post/619846512695033856/toph-is-the-worst-date-to-take-to-a-party-bc-she) that inspired the first scene! 
> 
> More to come hopefully by next week! :)


	2. III.

“If you close your eyes, and you’re really quiet and really still, you can feel the Earth’s vibrations. It’s like it’s speaking to you.”

She’d taken her shoes off, just like Toph instructed her, and was curling her toes into the grass. The sensation of the fragile blades beneath her feet makes her nose scrunch up. “It tickles.”

“Because you’ve got soft princess feet from wearing shoes all your life,” Toph teases with a bump of her shoulder. The solemn moment had effectively been ruined.

“I guess that is true, but I wouldn’t want to have your nasty calloused feet either.” Azula quips back.

Azula truly should have seen what was coming, teasing someone like Toph.

Before she can move away, dirty bare feet press up against her leg and her side. She tries to swat them away, but they resist and kick gently against her.

“Get your grubby feet off of me!” Azula shrieks. A laugh bubbles out of her throat, betraying her command. It’s another foreign, yet not unwelcome feeling: being relaxed enough to find joy in something she used to consider juvenile.

Toph doesn’t listen, as usual, and instead stretches her legs out fully across Azula’s lap, knees slightly bent. Azula stiffens at the touch against her thighs, but does not object. She leans back on her hands in an effort to remain casual. She watches the younger girl lay back, stretch her arms out, and squirm in the grass with a wide yawn.

Untroubled, unconcerned, unaffected by the world around her.

At first Azula thought it was something that irked her about Toph, but she has come to realize it was envy she had been feeling.

Envy, mixed with admiration.

She both envied and admired the way Toph moved in this world. It was Toph’s world, as far as Toph was concerned, and they were all just living in it.

“What were you reading before I came out here?” her voice interrupts Azula's thoughts.

Azula reaches around and grabs the discarded scroll. She had been pretty absorbed in the text before a certain earthbender had come and demanded attention.

“It’s a biography of a woman who was a Fire Nation First Lieutenant and the personal bodyguard of Avatar Kyoshi. It was rumored that they were lovers.”

That piques Toph’s interest, her eyes going wide. “No way, does it say that in there?”

“Not explicitly, but it does discuss how they were ‘very good friends’ who were completely devoted to each other. They even made vows to be by each other’s side until the day they died.”

Toph snorts, "Oh yeah, _very good friends_. I've had a few of those."

Azula's mouth goes dry, and she forces her brain to push that thought into a box that she'll no doubt open and agonize over later. She clears her throat loudly before continuing.

“Honestly, I’m surprised that it was even included, especially considering it’s not the Avatar’s biography, but a Fire Nation Lieutenant. Normally that would have been left out. But the historian who wrote this was very thorough. That’s probably why this scroll had been hidden in the Dragonbone Catacombs for so long.” 

Toph hums in acknowledgement and folds her hands behind her head.

“Read it to me.”

So Azula does. She launches back into the story right where she left off, where Avatar Kyoshi and Lieutenant Rangi are rebuilding Avatar Kyoshi’s hometown. She plays up the theatrics in her voice, reveling in having the younger girl's attention. Toph doesn’t seem to care about the major pieces of the story she has missed. She wiggles her toes as she listens but is otherwise silent, surprisingly.

Azula cannot help but glance over at her every few moments while she reads. She tells herself she is checking Toph’s reactions to the story, gauging her interest. But as Toph’s eyelids flutter shut and jaw slacks with sleep, Azula does not stop looking.

Azula drops her scroll once again, favoring the view in front of her for now. 

Her delicate features are in such sharp contrast to her abrasive personality, seeing her like this almost makes her look like a different person entirely. How many others can say they’ve seen the greatest earthbender to ever live sprawled out across their lap, totally at peace and vulnerable?

A pang of jealousy blooms behind her ribs. Others probably have been so lucky.

But Toph is here now. With Azula, no less. By her own volition. So that’s got to count for something.

Thick black strands of hair flutter against Toph’s face with every exhale. Azula’s hand moves at its own accord and sweeps Toph’s bangs to the side with gentle fingers, more gentle than she can ever remember being with anyone.

Azula twists her torso, hovering over the sleeping girl as much as she can in this position. Her fingers are still touching Toph’s face, ghosting down the side and across her sharp jaw. Her hands have a mind of their own it feels like. Just as her fingers move to the curve of Toph’s lip, Toph stirs.

Her whole body twitches in her sleep, and Azula snatches her hand back. She slides it under her own leg, pinning it to the ground. The cool earth grounds her, so she doesn’t give in to the urge to reach out again.

Toph doesn't fully wake for another half hour or so. By then Azula has finished her scroll and taken to staring at the sky, daydreaming of pink lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just wanted to put something else out there. life stuff has kept me busy but i promise more is coming! thank you for sticking with it :)
> 
> more doodles [here](https://firelxrdsdaughter.tumblr.com/post/619765772743589888/this-is-a-tophzula-blog-now-c) that helped inspire this!
> 
> also yes i slipped in some rangshi here and yes jinpa is the historian who wrote rangi's biography which is why he included their love because he was their biggest fan

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you think!
> 
> tumblr --> moderndaygaang


End file.
